hound/handler

warning:

this post discusses fictional depictions of rape and abuse.

link to the web novel here!

warhound is the origin of a lesbian relationship dynamic referred to as hound/handler. i was curious about it after seeing depictions of hound/handler dynamics over the past year or so. the hound character is a brainwashed mech pilot and the handler controls them and is responsible for the brainwashing.

the writing itself was admittedly a very mixed bag for me. can absolutely feel how this has influenced soooo many works and inspired a new subgenre of mechsploitation erotic fiction, there's a ton of tropes that i can appreciate the eroticism of (brainwashing, mind control, identity play, torture, being unpersoned and remade as a human weapon) but the unfortunate fact is that the two major sexual activities of the chapter (grinding on a boot and sucking on the barrel of a gun) were such turnoffs for me personally that i did not feel sexually interested in the work. i was, however, still intrigued by the scenes and the writing itself because of how it demonstrated the extreme brainwashing and identity play and i felt like that was really fun to see explored. this is a concept with so much potential that i feel like the author has captured beautifully.... its Just Really Really Cool Stuff going on here. to me this is what i want to read more of in the landscape of creative erotic writing, i want to see more people exploring a handful of focused tropes and kinks in an interesting setting with stakes at hand and characters that compel us to see what they're going to do next. i want to be fascinated by what they do even when i have no sexual interest in the kinks explored. i want character motivations that feel powerful and to see everyone pushed to extremes and for some crazy mindbending drama to happen. i want the worst things possible to happen to the protagonist because the journey along the way there is interesting!!!! the consequences are interesting and dramatic! let's explore them and watch everything fall apart and be changed forever.

i liked warhound because it wasn't scared to explore this bad end, the horrible aftermath of everything going wrong. i want to watch the disaster unfold and see things get worse, so i kept reading and enjoyed it.

ive seen the origin story lots of times. instead of that, lets explore the bad end instead of focusing on how we got here. warhound is fun because it doesnt close the curtains right before we get to the uncomfortable parts. it leaps into them from the point of view of the hound who has been tortured into unrecognizability from her original psyche.

a load-bearing facet of why this is erotic and interesting (to me) in the first place is that the purpose of the brainwashing isnt to make the protagonist into a primarily sexual object or a sex slave. the purpose is to make her into a weapon of war, and the sex is both a side effect and major element of the brainwashing's reinforcement. all of this is done to serve a greater cause than animalistic sexual instincts: war and imperialism. the sex is what the hound is forced to latch onto as her greatest source of pleasure, and she is tortured into forgetting everything else except for what matters to her handler. she falls in love with her torturer utterly and completely, and sex is a tool to rewire her brain however the handler likes. this stands out compared to the trope of brainwashing sex being used as a means towards more sex. the hound has a purpose, a very dangerous and significant one that heavily influences the ongoing war around her. even more, the handler doesn't see herself as engaging in sex with the hound, because she doesn't want to have sex with a dog. it is unpersoning taken to an extreme level and the hound is ultimately grateful for it because she is made to be grateful for it.

all at once the tortured victim is one of the most powerful characters in the setting and the most helpless. she is empowered in her destructive capability as the experienced pilot of a killing machine, and then weakened by how she is pitifully subservient to her handler. she is valued, always, as a weapon and a loyal pet, and lives outside of human norms as an example of a possibly sustainable broken psyche. the hound is so violently powerful but is still fundamentally incapable of consenting. her brainwashing excuses her of shame for her humiliating and degrading actions because she did not choose her actions. her actions have rather been chosen for her, by someone who loves her and prizes her and cares deeply for her as one would value a beloved tool. there is a very, very clear separation between the hound, the handler, and everyone else. the hound is lower than all others, and the handler stands above them all. the handler is more than a person, she is a goddess who gives orders and praise and permission and forgiveness for the animalistic nature of the hound she has domesticated. what an intoxicating and addicting power trip, and what a delight it is for the hound to be Hers.

evil lesbians are really cool and i like them a lot and seeing them manipulate other lesbians is awesome. yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

other reviews of warhound that i think are worth reading:

"Joining the war on fucked up porn on the side of the fucked up porn, or, why WARHOUND is good, actually" by írissiel (CloudDreamer)

"Dogs From Hell: A Review Of WARHOUND: Volume One" by Agonist

"My Brain is Soup - How WARHOUND Broke Me" by itisthisagain

i have been very attached to this song over the past few days since it came out.

it makes me feel very emotional and it is soothing at the same time. it's a balm for my heart that is working against more than a decade worth of self destructive habits and thinking patterns. the simple, steady beat of a kitchen knife cutting onions and carrots is familiar and comforting as someone who cooks all of my meals i eat. the kitchen is a "usual hideaway" where we reclaim our confidence in ourself. slowly, more kitchen sounds and instruments join into the rhythm and the voice sings a little stronger, rebuilding the self love that comes with claiming all of the broken pieces that make up a person. we claim all of the shoddily cut uneven perfect ingredients, we claim all of the clumsy burn marks from small mistakes, we have our private moment where everything is quiet and the rest of the world can be ignored in the simple rhythm and familiar patterns of cooking. the rush of water from the sink, the boiling pots, the turning of stove dials and opening of cabinets are our backdrop to sing that we can embrace and love our broken selves and nourish our bodies with food. "more than anyone else, i cherish myself, because even my uneven fragments are all dear to me, no one can take this time of mine away. even the clumsy scorch marks are me, even the collapsed shapes are me, all of this and that is just like me."

my hand has been sore from strength training so i haven't drawn much for the past two days. the good news is that i can feel my motivation for vn development returning especially since i enlisted some help for coloring the character sprites

i think my hand will be back to normal in a few hours so i'm looking forward to drawing more sprites. i have about 14 more on my current list to draw, but i'm going to add more to that list as i review the script again

night with timber (itch.io page)

this post contains major story spoilers!

i started reading this visual novel because it was required reading for this year's nomnomnami april fools release, date senbei. i like dark comedies and i like character casts full of people who do terrible things, and i was already looking for an excuse to engage more with nami's work. the last time i read a visual novel created by nami was in my teenage years (i specifically remember reading syrup and the ultimate sweet and her tears were my light back in 2019). neither of the visual novels i read from nami much of an impression on me at the time, but her continued popularity and prolific catalog of visual novels has left me really curious to see her growth since then.

this is a story about a wolf boy who is at first presented as a dangerous villain, and as we get to know him better we understand his position as a survivor of genocide. the environment of his home territory has been severely damaged by a nearby settlement of rabbits claiming the land for their own and killing wolves who try to negotiate peacefully. after more than a decade, the wolf populations have decreased considerably due to starvation from environmental damage. i like this plotline and how strong of a character motivation it is for timber: it makes sense that he feels a rush of adrenaline and sense of fun in hunting rabbits. his clan has been nearly wiped out by them, his native land has been deeply harmed by his oppressors' disregard for nature and the local ecosystem, and his own father was beaten to death and displayed as a trophy by them when trying a peaceful approach to resolve the conflict. i'm not surprised that he admits he used to have fun when he killed members of the species that caused his suffering. the fact that he needed material consequences for it to stop being fun makes him really sympathetic to me.

in the latter half of the story, timber is captured and tortured by a rabbit, senbei, who is convinced that timber is the cause of the missing rabbits over the years. i like seeing how timber is affected by this, how his confident smug facade gives out after being subjected to torture for a few days. i'm impressed at how the story is composed for us to have sympathy for the killer rather than the investigating torturer, and how smoothly senbei's motivations turn from seeking punitive justice to obsessive lusting after timber himself. we've gotten to know timber pretty well over this point with several opportunities in previous routes to seduce and have sex with him, and it was easy for me to understand senbei's desire towards him. timber is really charming! it makes sense that he's obsessively lusting after him, feels like timber is the only person who konws the real him (the him that is willing to torture people for his goals). it's a fascinating character study of both timber and senbei, leaving me disgusted by senbei and feeling very bad for the pitiful bloodied fucked up timber who is forced to fake his death to get him off his trail.

i feel biased here because i already liked seeing cute boys get tortured in other fiction i've read. it's cool to see timber weakened and helpless, see how desperate he is to be free and how much he hates senbei. it's cool because we know the other sides of timber, the caring and cute and strong and intimidating and murderous sides. we've seen him kill us and now we see him get tortured and still feel bad for him. it's cute. he's cute when he's suffering. maybe i understand senbei a little too much in that respect.

senbei is a genocidal piece of shit nepo baby loser and i want to see him suffer a lot too, but i also love seeing him so stressed over his failures with getting anything from timber. the writing is so fun in letting me enjoy hearing what senbei has to think and feeling happy when he loses. he's a horrible person who likes feeling smart and strong and hates wolves for being wolves, so he wants to use the missing persons cases as an excuse to justify driving wolves to extinction. i'm fascinated by his character and want to keep watching him struggle and lose. he's in a much stronger position of power than any of the other characters in the game, but timber manages to hold his own against him physically and intellectually. this makes me like and respect timber a lot too! he's deeply traumatized by senbei but doesn't give up on his own life and his clan, and he finds a lot of support in trusting the player character in the wolf route. as the player, we get to play an active role in his recovery and growth.

i'm embarrassed to say that i underestimated nami. night with timber was really fun to play! more than that, it was interesting to read and learn about timber himself. i wasn't drawn in by the initial character art and felt that the crescent grin was offputting, but i realized that this was purposeful to give the audience expectations of him being creepy and villainous so that we could be intrigued and surprised at his depth. i find him really sympathetic and flawed, but i can't disagree with how he justifies his actions.

this is also a very carefully and neatly designed visual novel. i was delighted and surprised at how well the routes tied in with each other- everything led carefully and deliberately to the final route. i really liked that. the setup completely paid off. i like that theres a timeline feature and i really like the music room and the fact that theres a song sung by teto at the end of the main story. it's awesome... nami is a really competent songwriter!!!!

i'll be thinking about this visual novel for a while and i think it's going to be a big source of inspiration for me in my own projects. i admire a lot about the concept and the execution, and i hope i can make things as cool and fun as this someday.

here are some of my favorite screenshots i took during my playthrough! i liked the flirting and sex parts. i thought it was really cool how there were no explicit sex scenes but the writing made up for everything that wasn't shown in the art.

let me know if you end up playing the game too and what you thought!

this post will contain some light spoilers!

read the webcomic here

i read this while lying in my bed for two hours after waking up from a series of very distressing nightmares involving the death of my parent. i have a nightmare disorder that is exacerbated by grief. frannie, the protagonist of frannie the relatable girl (the daily struggles of frannie, a girl who is very normal and relatable) also has frequent nightmares exacerbated by grieving her parent. this comic immediately spoke to me as soon as i identified frannie for what she really is (the comic itself is not trying to hide what she is) as an avoidant, absurdly anxious hikineet trying to stop feeling like a little kid pretending to be an adult.

i think that this comic is really, really well done. i think that it is a startlingly relatable depiction of a girl who is desperate to be relatable because she is terrified at the idea of being a freak. im autistic like frannie, i have extreme social anxiety like frannie and immediately connected with her debilitating fear of leaving her home. she's in deep denial about being a pervert. she has horrible self esteem. but she's willing to listen to others and try to be helped by them. she's trying her best even when she feels herself falling apart. i connected so much with her experience of talking to herself and finding comfort in her otaku interests as a coping mechanism to get through the day. the depictions of loneliness leading to her constantly talking to herself felt really compelling to me.

frannie is a mess and reminds me a lot of myself a couple years ago. some of it is hard to read because of that, but what kept me reading is the author's skill at showing bit by bit more about frannie's psychology. there's so much intrigue about how she developed and what she has gone through to cause her to behave the way she does. her dissociation is much more extreme than mine, and throughout the comic she experiences symptoms of dissociative identity disorder that i was really excited to see shown in the comic. there are hints and pieces of the puzzle for the reader to put together along the way, and as she slowly, gradually improves her mental and physical health you get to see more and more sides of her.

i want to see frannie get better. i want to keep seeing her experiencing new things that are good for her, and see her become a stronger person who can keep trying to believe in herself. i feel proud of her, after seeing her struggle so much for 277 pages as of the most recent update. and i really, really want to see more of the story.

please read this comic so that i have more people to talk about it with. there's a lot of details i left out in this post to avoid giving too many spoilers.

i love you frannie... as they say in the comic... ganbate (sic)...

i am thinking a lot about how i want to use this blog section of my website to challenge myself. i want to use it as a place to have a lot of gratitude for experiencing cool things in my life. im not sure if i can update every day, but a couple times a week feels like a nice goal.

mawaru penguindrum is really good anime. now that ive finished it im really excited to read a lot of essays and articles analyzing it. i feel like its helped me gain an even stronger understanding of utena too (thank goodness there is so much writing out there analysing and explaining utena. it helped me so much as a novice to media analysis)

a lot of times i feel like i can understand the themes and meanings and messages of a work but im completely unable to put it into words. its really frustrating! reading other peoples explanations and breakdowns helps me figure out what those words are supposed to be. its an enlightening and humbling experience. i think utena and penguindrum are able to be simplified really well by a lot of people so that i can understand it, because a lot of the things in utena and penguindrum arent supposed to be hard to understand. theyre supposed to be straightforward and understood without hitting you over the head with it a billion times and i like that quite a lot and i like what they want to say

for the past few days ive also been a little fixated on japanese studying again and that has been really rewarding but im trying not to sabotage myself by getting too excited and burnt out, so im just taking it a little at a time. it helps a lot that ive been on and off studying it for several years along with mandarin so i do have a lot of basic understanding

other than that i have been reading ancillary justice by ann leckie and ohhhhhhhhhhh its sooooooo good im maybe three quarters of the way through and im so so excited to think really hard about how to talk about it in the way i want. and also to start the next book in the series and see more of the story..

did you know that making a visual novel can be an extremely tedious process? i have been combating burnout by leaving it alone for 3 days and playing videogames, exercising, and reading novels instead. but im worried that i will lose momentum if i dont force myself to make progress. dragging myself through the script and editing it to add in all of the necessary assets (most of which i have not drawn yet) is really, really tedious and not very interesting at all to me. worse, i keep fretting over if the script is good enough for my standards. is it saying something coherent? is there an interesting message and meaning its trying to explore? is the pacing ridiculous? is it too stiff and awkward in places to the point of being distracting? is my writing style overly juvenile?? probably! so i make my small changes here and there to try and fix what i can without major overhauls. but i also try my best to accept what it is right now, and keep working on finishing it now that the story is done. its ok if its not perfect, or if its not even very good. the next time will be better because of making it in the first place. i played inscryption to give my mind a break. inscryption was cool! im not really sure how i feel about all of it, yet, but i want to think over it more once ive beaten the challenges to get the rest of the lore. i dont think i can accurately assess it without understanding the whole picture, which means to me that its a little frustrating that theres still so much left unsaid at the finale of the game. im happy with a story leaving mysteries unanswered at the end, but there was so much weight behind the specific mysteries that it just made me think "thats it?" when the credits rolled.

working on gamedev is stressing me out since i have yet to figure out a good balance between working and taking breaks. i also have really rudimentary understanding of coding, though gratefully im using a very simple engine that is easy to ask my friends for help with it's important to remember to ask for help and not try to suffer through problems by yourself. i tell that to people, but it's still hard for me to internalize! so at least this project is good practice. is it still solo gamedev if i'm getting help from others occasionally?

pghrt.diy is a living document that i've found really useful over the past few months that it has been alive. it's easy to read, not overly academic in tone, and simplified enough to allow many many readers to understand the content. i strongly believe in the necessity for trans people undergoing HRT to understand the processes of the medicine to at least the extent that it is explained in this document.

all trans people deserve to have thoroughly researched information on how HRT works so that they can make informed decisions during their transition. a lot of sections in this document include clarifications and answers to misunderstood issues that i have helped others understand previously. i recommend reading through the myths and miscs section _even if you aren't undergoing feminizing hrt_, because it will help you combat misinformation about feminizing hrt and help those who don't know about it but might want to try. if you want to support trans people and don't know how, learning about how HRT works _is_ helpful. you can pass on that information and help ease people's worries if they have certain concerns or misunderstandings, which is _very very_ common due to the transphobia around the world that tries to convince trans people to stay away from HRT completely.

this is a fantastic and easy to read document that can be used by anyone to improve their understanding of feminizing HRT. share it with your trans friends, share it with your cis friends and tell it to share it with theirs too. you never know who it might help, or who might read it out of curiosity and realize that HRT could be a real possibility for them. HRT is livesaving for trans people, so i encourage anybody who is willing to learn about it and help the trans people around you!

yay!! i love this document, it's so incredibly helpful to reference whenever a friend brings up a misunderstanding about HRT. i love information and educational resources!!!! DIY HRT is a common subject to fearmonger about because of the DIY nature, but it is a lot safer than i expected when i first looked into it. any sources are carefully tested for contamination by third party mutual aid groups, and estrogen is not a controlled substance so there isn't illegality to buying and selling it. the big risk that requires the anonymity through cryptocurrency transactions is the danger of transphobic attacks on the sources.

also, since this is a living document, it's still being updated over time! there's going to be more updates regarding masculinizing HRT as well in the future, i heard from the author, so i'm looking forward to that!

share it with your friends!! get involved in public health education with me!

yes, i know it's very barebones looking. i think i kind of prefer this right now because i don't have much interest in learning how to fix some of the things i wanted to implement... this works for me and that's what matters! hahahaha ^^ this blog was made by smashing together https://strawberrystarter.neocities.org/ and https://nomnomnami.com/templates/pastille/ and then deciding it's fine like this actually

itch.io page for the game here!

pressure cooker is a kinetic yuri visual novel. it was one of my favorite submissions i read for the toxic yuri vn jam 2025

violence in fictional sexual scenarios is something that can really up the ante to me because of the adrenaline and intensity of physical combat. i understand it as a very far lean into the physicality part of kink as opposed to the mental aspect. there's also so much anger involved that i think is really fun to witness in interesting characters.

some of my favorite yuri works feature violence because of how i can immediately get excited at the intensity of it. it feels like the same reasons i am drawn to action scenes in any sort of media, and my hobbyist level interest in martial arts (specifically shaolin kung fu, because it is very dance-like to me!). you get to see characters react to pain and the threat of losing and the thrill of revenge or taking out long-held frustrations that have been bubbling to the surface. plus you get to see awesome displays of power.... and maybe blood! kyaa

here was my comment on it that i wrote immediately after playing:

LOVE the visual presentation here. really great concept.

i appreciate stories that jump right into the conflict like pressure cooker does. there's the immediate tension and frustration, and the setup is really easy to immediately understand so it works well. the hatred between these two is palpable, and their personalities (especially regarding how they act in a crisis under stress) are evident really quickly. i also really like how i can feel that theyve been bottling up a lot of resentment towards each other for a long time.

theres fantastic artwork in this. i wasnt expecting the expressions to get so intense.

holy shit, the buildup with the fight and them rolling around on the floor was awesome. i loved seeing the line used again against nicole. i also really loved seeing her give in. that was incredible how quickly she changed her tone. i honestly love both of their personalities and how they handled this.

GREAT ENDING.

thank you so much for making this, so so so so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm really looking forward to future yuri works by perpetuareality!! ^^

i'm working on a small 18+ yuri visual novel at the moment that i'm hoping will be done by the end of spring. it's a fanproject for my vtuber oshi, mint fantome, but i don't really want her to read it! most of my other activities are on pause until this is complete. right now i've finally finished the script after starting it last november. i haven't worked on any personal creative writing projects in many many many many years, so i was and still am pretty nervous about it. i figure that the only way to work on my insecurity regarding writing is to keep trying to work on it and show it to others. i've been very desperate to work on another creative project after finishing melt last year, but i haven't been able to do much because of circumstances out of my control. i'm really happy to get progress done on this one so that i can still release something this season!

everyday enjoying

what is this:

• this is an enjoyment zone. and also, a blog! welcome! you've found my blog!
• while this blog is focused on talking about what i enjoy, it also isn't always going to contain full explanations about why i enjoy all of those things. let's just have fun and explore things we appreciate.
• i like to make things. you can find some of the things i have made on this site. one of them is melt, the visual novel a friend and i made together! it's completely free to play.

that sounds awesome!

that's great because i also think so. you can get started by reading the first post, or have fun exploring instead!

all of the constant companions album is amazing, but dyad is a personal favorite with the breathy laughter and joyous running leaping frolicking dancing feeling it has of declaring love.

listen here

jamie paige wrote a behind the scenes post about the song here, explaining explicitly how the song is "a love song for the creative impulse" and where it would take paige. the use of vocal synths in this album is a means of connection and resistance against loneliness, and a lot of the worries in the album and dyad itself are about interacting with the world as an artist and the process of making art.

this means a lot to me! i only started actively putting myself out into the world as an artist within the past 3 years of writing this. i relate a lot to the motivation of loneliness, a common theme within my social groups of predominantly shut-ins or social outcasts who spend a lot of time online.

here are the lyrics:

we've spent a lifetime apart so i keep a record in my heart of all the waiting in the wings i've done a wretched little tale i've spun because its everyday i'm waiting for more a message from the opposite shore some coded beeps that i can never unwind and i'm not even sure that you mind

it's a repetition every day just waiting on the words to say god i'm desperate to hear your voice i wish i even had a damn choice

'cause when i stare across the gap between our hearts I WANNA MEET YOU IN THE MIDDLE i wanna meet you in the middle

baby, do you know what you wanna hear? 'cause you can say the word, make it all so clear or you can sit around, watch it disappear (watch the truth, it breaks in two) but you don't even know what you wanna say it only takes an instant to slip away but if you grab a hold, make a grand escape (one to two, just me and you)

singing dream together, we can dream together we can fantasize about the fairer weather if we stay together, we can stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather dream together, we can dream together baby, ain't nobody gonna live forever so we stay together, we should stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather

i've been wanting for a shot that's sharp so i paint a target on my heart hoping bow and arrow strikes me true so i can throw it back to you but baby aim is all i got to show an imitation cupid's bow and i'm a fool without a firing zone i just don't want to be alone

now i'm walking 'round the corner again but i don't want the story to end god i'm desperately falling so far i'll fall until it breaks my heart

and though i'm staring out the hole between my lungs I WANNA CLOSE IT JUST A LITTLE so can we close it just a little

baby, do you know what you wanna hear? 'cause you can say the word, make it all so clear or you can sit around, watch it disappear (watch the truth, it breaks in two) but you don't even know what you wanna say you'll wait until your life starts to slip away but if you grab a hold, let the message play (one to two, just me and you)

singing dream together, we can dream together we can fantasize about the fairer weather if we stay together, we can stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather dream together, we can dream together baby, ain't nobody gonna live forever so we stay together, we should stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather

but when i stare across the gap between the sprawl and all the little things the borders break and fall away to order from the disarray i understand what i should know i knock an arrow on my bow and fire across the evermore i shoot to hit the grand restore and fall at last to land between your arms

I THINK I LOVE YOU JUST A LITTLE or maybe more than just a little

welcome to mitri's enjoyment heaven. this is my space to write longer posts about what i enjoy, what i have enjoyed, and what i am currently in the process of enjoying. possibly even what i may enjoy in the future! if you have suggestions for something i may enjoy based off of this website, you are welcome to send me an email at cutemaidenjoyer@gmail.com about it.

this site will be sporadically updated, so i recommend taking advantage of the RSS feed. learn how to do that here!

my hope for this project will be that others are enlightened about new things they may come to enjoy as well, or find more appreciation about something they already enjoy. i would like to encourage everyday enjoyment! i am also looking to use this as an opportunity for myself to practice exploring why i may enjoy something, and to find the words to explain such.

there will be no specific focus or theme for what is being enjoyed, so i may talk about very different genres, mediums, topics, and reasonings regarding what i enjoy.

special notice

if you happen to have something you enjoy and would like to talk about, you are welcome to email me about it and i may publish your writing on this website as well in a separate section. you may include any personal identifying information or you may ask for the submission to be anonymous to the public. if there's something you want to convince others to get into, or just anything you'd like to shill, this is your chance.

of course, if you have your own website where you have already talked about something you enjoy, please also feel free to email me with the link and i can link to that page here!

1. 25/04/2026 - warhound by kallidorarho
2. 11/04/2026 - my hideaway by dennoko-P
3. 02/04/2026 - night with timber by nomnomnami
4. 31/03/2026 - frannie the relatable girl by adazaster
5. 17/03/2026 - a practical guide to feminizing hrt by katie tightpussy
6. 16/03/2026 - pressure cooker by perpetuareality
7. 12/03/2026 - dyad by jamie paige

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