tagged music

i have been very attached to this song over the past few days since it came out.

it makes me feel very emotional and it is soothing at the same time. it's a balm for my heart that is working against more than a decade worth of self destructive habits and thinking patterns. the simple, steady beat of a kitchen knife cutting onions and carrots is familiar and comforting as someone who cooks all of my meals i eat. the kitchen is a "usual hideaway" where we reclaim our confidence in ourself. slowly, more kitchen sounds and instruments join into the rhythm and the voice sings a little stronger, rebuilding the self love that comes with claiming all of the broken pieces that make up a person. we claim all of the shoddily cut uneven perfect ingredients, we claim all of the clumsy burn marks from small mistakes, we have our private moment where everything is quiet and the rest of the world can be ignored in the simple rhythm and familiar patterns of cooking. the rush of water from the sink, the boiling pots, the turning of stove dials and opening of cabinets are our backdrop to sing that we can embrace and love our broken selves and nourish our bodies with food. "more than anyone else, i cherish myself, because even my uneven fragments are all dear to me, no one can take this time of mine away. even the clumsy scorch marks are me, even the collapsed shapes are me, all of this and that is just like me."

all of the constant companions album is amazing, but dyad is a personal favorite with the breathy laughter and joyous running leaping frolicking dancing feeling it has of declaring love.

listen here

jamie paige wrote a behind the scenes post about the song here, explaining explicitly how the song is "a love song for the creative impulse" and where it would take paige. the use of vocal synths in this album is a means of connection and resistance against loneliness, and a lot of the worries in the album and dyad itself are about interacting with the world as an artist and the process of making art.

this means a lot to me! i only started actively putting myself out into the world as an artist within the past 3 years of writing this. i relate a lot to the motivation of loneliness, a common theme within my social groups of predominantly shut-ins or social outcasts who spend a lot of time online.

here are the lyrics:

we've spent a lifetime apart so i keep a record in my heart of all the waiting in the wings i've done a wretched little tale i've spun because its everyday i'm waiting for more a message from the opposite shore some coded beeps that i can never unwind and i'm not even sure that you mind

it's a repetition every day just waiting on the words to say god i'm desperate to hear your voice i wish i even had a damn choice

'cause when i stare across the gap between our hearts I WANNA MEET YOU IN THE MIDDLE i wanna meet you in the middle

baby, do you know what you wanna hear? 'cause you can say the word, make it all so clear or you can sit around, watch it disappear (watch the truth, it breaks in two) but you don't even know what you wanna say it only takes an instant to slip away but if you grab a hold, make a grand escape (one to two, just me and you)

singing dream together, we can dream together we can fantasize about the fairer weather if we stay together, we can stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather dream together, we can dream together baby, ain't nobody gonna live forever so we stay together, we should stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather

i've been wanting for a shot that's sharp so i paint a target on my heart hoping bow and arrow strikes me true so i can throw it back to you but baby aim is all i got to show an imitation cupid's bow and i'm a fool without a firing zone i just don't want to be alone

now i'm walking 'round the corner again but i don't want the story to end god i'm desperately falling so far i'll fall until it breaks my heart

and though i'm staring out the hole between my lungs I WANNA CLOSE IT JUST A LITTLE so can we close it just a little

baby, do you know what you wanna hear? 'cause you can say the word, make it all so clear or you can sit around, watch it disappear (watch the truth, it breaks in two) but you don't even know what you wanna say you'll wait until your life starts to slip away but if you grab a hold, let the message play (one to two, just me and you)

singing dream together, we can dream together we can fantasize about the fairer weather if we stay together, we can stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather dream together, we can dream together baby, ain't nobody gonna live forever so we stay together, we should stay together hold each other closer like we're birds of a feather

but when i stare across the gap between the sprawl and all the little things the borders break and fall away to order from the disarray i understand what i should know i knock an arrow on my bow and fire across the evermore i shoot to hit the grand restore and fall at last to land between your arms

I THINK I LOVE YOU JUST A LITTLE or maybe more than just a little